Several people have asked me, "Melody, what is the hardest part about doing these workshops?"  I always reply, "Marketing them!"  How do I break through all the misconceptions that keep single adults from attending a relationship workshop?

Maybe the first thing I can do is to make a list of what I believe to be the misconceptions and then give my reply.  (As usual, your "homework" is to put a checkmark by the misconceptions to which you relate.)

• MISCONCEPTION #1:  "If I attend a workshop, everyone will think there is something wrong with me or that I’m a loser with a capital L."

MY REPLY:  There are NO losers at my workshops.  The people that attend these workshops are WINNERS because they are taking responsibility for the choices they have made in the past, healing their wounds and learning new, healthier behavior.

• MISCONCEPTION #2:  "I’m in a dating relationship right now and these workshops are only for people who aren’t involved with anyone."

MY REPLY:  I prefer that the people who attend these workshops be legally single.  The mistake that many singles make is that they stop attending personal growth classes once they start dating someone.  It is almost as if the fact that someone wants to date them has magically healed all their wounds.  You and I know that’s not true, don’t we?  I have had couples attend my workshops and they have felt like they have learned a lot and can use the information to strengthen their relationship.  One additional note:  It is always a good sign when a new dating partner agrees to attend the workshops with you, and, especially more than one.

• MISCONCEPTION #3: "It seems like only women attend these types of workshops, but it’s the men that really need them."

MY REPLY:  This was obviously spoken by a woman and it’s this type of comment that raises the red flag of emotional baggage.  Just so you know, there have been several workshops where the men have outnumbered the women.  This ratio varies from workshop to workshop.  Of course, I always hope for an equal number, but it isn’t necessary in order to facilitate learning.

• MISCONCEPTION #4:  "As a man, I’m afraid I’ll get bashed by the women that are present."

MY REPLY:  Ground Rules are posted at each workshop and one of them is "No Male/Female Bashing."  If the group hears anything that sounds like bashing, we intervene.  Examples of bashing are statements like "All men are idiots" or "All women do is bitch."

• MISCONCEPTION #5:  "If I share a dating experience with the group, they will probably make comments that will make me feel humiliated."

MY REPLY:  As the facilitator, it is my job to see that there is safe sharing within the group.  When I break the large group into smaller groups, I go around the room and visit each group for a few minutes; however, I can’t be with each group at the same time.  Therefore, it is your responsibility as a participant to help me out and raise your hand if you hear an inappropriate comment.  Examples of inappropriate comments are: "You did what?!  Why did you do that?  That was crazy.  If I were you, I would have said _____."  Another Ground Rule is to refrain from giving unsolicited advice and playing ‘therapist.’

• MISCONCEPTION #6:  "I already know how to have a healthy relationship.  I’ve already experienced one or two or three…"

MY REPLY:  Uh-huh…describe "healthy" to me???  I once asked a group of singles, "How many of you have experienced a healthy relationship?"  Out of a group of 20 people, 7 of them raised their hands.  I then asked those 7 to keep their hands raised if their partner with whom they had had the healthy relationship was no longer living.  All of their hands went down.  If you are in a relationship that is truly happy, healthy and compatible, there is NO reason (except death) for it to end.  No, I don’t believe that a relationship can be healthy to begin with and then you just "grow apart."  The reason the couple grows apart is because they quit being emotionally supportive of each other and they quit communicating.  And that is NOT a healthy relationship.  A couple that truly wants to stay together will find a way to do so.

• MISCONCEPTION #7:  "These workshops are only for Christians and I’m not a Christian, so I’m sure they wouldn’t want me in the group."

MY REPLY:  These workshops are Christian-based and anyone who is guided by a higher power is welcome at my workshops.  In other words, I don’t want to just help rich Christians have healthy relationships—I want to help as many singles as I possibly can.  That is why I keep the fee for the workshops a little lower than the average.  Another one of the Ground Rules is that we show respect to each other and bashing of other religions is not allowed.  After all, we are all there for the same purpose—to learn more about relationships.  Anyone can choose to live by higher values and morals.   During the course of a workshop, I read 3 or 4 brief passages of scripture that pertain to the topic at hand, and then we move on to the next exercise.  The scripture is not analyzed as these are not Bible studies—they are relationship classes.  The scripture is read to provide a spiritual element.  Remember, the title is "Relationship Skills Workshops for Spiritual Singles."

• MISCONCEPTION #8:  "I’m afraid these workshops will be like a support group and that’s not my thing."

MY REPLY:  These workshops are definitely NOT like a support group.  We do not start out by saying, "Hi, my name is Melody and I’m a Single."  No, no, no, no, no.  I have spent a lot of time creating lesson plans that make each workshop not only educational, but FUN!  We listen to music, we play games, we read funny cartoons & scripts, we interact!

• MISCONCEPTION #9:  "The creator/facilitator of these workshops is single, so how good can they be?"

MY REPLY:  I was previously married once for 10 years, so I have experience. If I had taken relationship workshops like these when I was 18, I would not have married the man I married and thus, would have avoided a lot of grief.  There is a saying, "We teach what we most need to learn" and perhaps that is true in my case.  I bring lot of education to the workshops, but I am also growing and learning, and I also hope to someday experience a healthy, lasting marriage.  

Luke 6:42 – How can you say to another, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?